Principle #19 – Start where the other is.
Ever had a conversation where you explained your point perfectly—clear logic, solid data, flawless delivery—and they still didn’t get it? That’s because you started from your mountain, not theirs.
We love to think people will come around if we just talk louder or add another chart. But humans don’t work that way. People filter information through their own beliefs, experiences, and goals. If you ignore where they’re starting, you’re basically trying to build a bridge from the middle of nowhere.
The Hero’s Move
Influence starts with empathy, not argument:
- Ask first, talk second: Understand their priorities and concerns before pushing yours.
- Speak their language: Connect your idea to what they value, not what you assume they should value.
- Find common ground: People move faster when they feel seen and understood.
This doesn’t mean giving up your point—it means positioning it so it can actually land.
The Next Step
In your next big conversation, start with one question:
“Where are you coming from on this?”
Listen. Build from their perspective. Then make your case.
Because starting where the other person is doesn’t slow you down—it gets you where you both want to go faster.